Tuesday 23 June 2015

So in light of WildTurtle's recent benching, I think I've figured out how this might actually be a good thing for Team SoloMid. 

This is definitely not because I first picked him and XiaoWeiXiao this split in Fantasy LCS and was expecting him to do substantially better and get me far more points and generally crush the hopes and dreams of my fantasy enemies. Nor does it have anything to do with the pillars of salt that my hopes and dreams dissolved into when he got absolutely shit on by Doublelift in the first weeks of fantasy. No, this has absolutely nothing to do with Fantasy LCS. This is something else entirely.

WildTurtle is Illuminati. 

Now I'm sure you've all heard the jokes that "Napoleon is literally Hitler" or "Comcast is run by Nazis" or how apparently "jet fuel can't melt steel beams." I'm sure you think that I'm just joking when I say that anyone on TSM can be affiliated with such a vile organization such as the Illuminati. Hell, Reginald used to not allow players on social media because he was worried about the image of his brand or something. So it makes no sense that someone on TSM would be an Illuminatist. Right?

Wrong.

Let's take a closer look at the facts.
1) WildTurtle is an ADC player. You know who else is an ADC player? Doublelift. Doublelift is on CLG, which is notorious for having "potential." Potential you say? The formula for potential energy is GPE = mgh, where m = mass, g = gravity and h = height. Gravity? That's a LCS team! Who is on Gravity? Hauntzer, Move, Keane, Altec and Bunny Fu Fuu. Bunny is widely known as a Thresh god, and who got him this title? Hi im gosu, who is widely speculated to be a girl. Who is Gosu's trademark champion? Vayne - just like Piglet, who played on SKT T1 and won Season 3 Worlds. And which lane does Piglet play in? The bot lane. That's our first clue. B
2) WildTurtle is on Team SoloMid - the most popular League team in the world. SoloMid - which corresponds to the position! Who is TSM's midlaner - Bjergsen, who came to NA from Europe. Who else did this? Dexter - on CLG. When Dexter was on CLG, Seraph was on the team - a Korean who plays for TDK now. TDK - Team Dragon Knights. Who is a "dragon knight?" Shyvana, who has 7 letters in her name. The letter in the middle? A "v." And what is next to "v" in the alphabet? U. 
3) WildTurtle has won a LCS split title, making his team one of the four teams that has managed to acquire this incredibly coveted title. The other three teams being Fnatic, Alliance and Cloud 9. Disregarding Cloud 9 because EU > NA, the initials of these three teams spell out FAT. Now we all know that you can get fat by eating too much. Similarly, Gragas in League is considered to be a fat champion, and the newly announced champion - Tahm - has abilities that allow him to eat his allies and opponents. "Gragas" has two "g's" - as in "gg," or good game. Tahm most likely comes from potamos, the Greek word for river. Put "gg" and "river" together to get "gg river," which doesn't sound like much of a combination to be honest. However, if you replace the final "r" in "river" with an "n," you get "gg riven" - something that only a toxic player in League would say. Toxicity is a common trait among poison types in Pokemon - a Japanese game. Japan has a single sun on their flag, and since we've already discussed the "u" in the sun in the previous suggestion, and the "n" is obviously where the "n" in "gg riven" came from, that leaves the "s" as the next letter.
4) Lastly, WildTurtle is often known for his mispositioning and over-aggressiveness, often being referred to as "TSM's primary engage." Engage? The word contains two "e's" - like famous Dota player EternalEnvy - the captain of Cloud 9 Dota! Cloud 9 in League has 5 legendary players - Balls, Meteos, Hai, Sneaky and LemonNation. However, we can disregard Balls, Meteos and LemonNation because they're not carry players the same way WildTurtle is. That leaves only Sneaky and Hai as possible choices. Sneaky seems irrelevant because he's actually a good ADC in NA, as opposed to WildTurtle. That leaves Hai. Which letter does his name start with? H
5) Lastly, we take a look at WildTurtle's statistics this split to see if we can complete the code. According to this article (http://www.goldper10.com/article/1855-breaking-down-tsms-adc-problem.html), Turtle's KDA this split was 3.50, his damage % was 21.7% and his damage per minute was a measly 410. Now take a closer look at these numbers. 3 x 5 = 15, and 4 x 1 = 4. Now remove the ones from the equation, and we're left with "5" and "4." Add those together, and you get... 9. Now let's take a look at 21.7%. 2 + 1 + 7 = 10. Adding the one that we took away from 15 earlier... and we get 11. 

Isn't it obvious?

B U S H 9 11
BUSH DID 9/11. 
WAKE UP AMERICA. 

tl;dr bush did 9/11 and hitler owns comcast













Saturday 20 June 2015

LoL - Team Changes
A parody of a parody by ESEX who did the Dota version so I got bored enough to do the League version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmK__ooAs-4&index=4&list=FLV4_i2Qh_grdXW_Ab1rCewQ - is the original, well not really it's the ESEX original, the original is Tupac - Changes
Each few lines refers to a certain player (I think) or a certain incident (I think)

I see team changes Wake up in the morning and I ask myself No chance at worlds, should I stream myself I'm tired of relegation or playing in CS Outta Europe looking forward for my team's progress Freeze don't give a damn about SK Hit the hook, flash and flay
Just not nRated's day Werly top with no bot Haha it's k, one less mid, just not your day Three weeks of summer don't reveal who's best Piglet's back, TL's first, who would have guessed It's time to fight back! That's what Korea said Fight EDG and now Korea's dead I got love for C9, but they could never win MSI With LemonNation and Hai They gotta start making changes Build a team full of carries and no real weak link That's not how it's supposed to be Kick Uzi outta Royal and he joined OMG I'd loved to go back to when we played S3 But things change, and that's just the way it is ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I see team changes Where's my familiar faces? Pobelter's free, let's see who he replaces Asunder, Counter Logic is the way to make this
A stable team with a lack of hate trains Take the money outta league and Samsung's acting right Cause both PawN and Deft are EDG tonight And the only time they play is before MSI Takes funds to survive, just to stay alive And TSM is NA's master race But they ain't ready, to see their top laner's face! 4 splits can't seem to conceal the fact Top lane is stacked And it's got Impact! But NA will never change Tryna gank another lane but mid's sitting in a farm game Now tell me what's support to do? Lust Cena ain't gonna try to carry you! We operate the China way, (We got Imp today) But you got him in the shady way Talking smack to his team, (It's only dade) Well, hey, that's just the way it is ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And still I see team changes Can the Chinese take a little rest? There's Koreans in the east and Koreans in the LCS Instead of team fights in LCK We see Spirit's play And World Elite's gradual decay! And Forg1ven's never picked a champ he ain't want to pick But now he's trapped with no staff tryna win real quick Don't let 'em take you down!
Gambit's down! Gambit's down! Take their crown!
Huni knows when to use TP They get jealous when they see him in the BOT But tell Fnatic they can't poach me H2K knows me And it's Season 5, not 3 That's the sound of their pleas
"Oddone join us please!" Nah bro, I don't wanna lose to Freeze And as long as UoL's here Kikis gon' stay here No meta, Jungle Gnar's here 'Cause I always gotta worry bout that one steal
PowerOfEvil who just made the smite unreal
Can't push out the mid Azir
Rat a tat tat tat that's the way it is....



Saturday 13 June 2015

Week 3 of LCS is nearly over, with only 5 games left to go. EU and NA standings are once again all screwed up, because no one has any idea what is going on right now. Looking at the standings right now, there are a few teams in EU that have very similar counterparts in NA. That being said, today I'm going to try to find a NA equivalent for every EU LCS team, because, well, why not?











I'm in the middle of watching NA LCS right now, so the standings for NA aren't exactly 10-0% up to date.

Team Dignitas (4-1) = Giants Gaming (4-2)
Seriously, where in the actual fuck did these teams come from? Both were fighting just to stay in the LCS last split, and now they're both looking like top teams in their region?! They have common factors - a new player (G0dfred and Helios), a strong mid laner with potential (Shiphtur and Pepperonis) and a somewhat underwhelming top/bot lane last split. You can try to say that Gamsu and Core were good last split and it's just hard to look good on a bad team, but it is my belief that they just straight up sucked last split. Moving on.

Team Liquid (4-1) = Fnatic (6-0)
I really really really didn't want to equate any NA team to Fnatic. No one team in NA has dominated every single one of their games the same way Febiven and Friends have. TSM seem lost against any team with a Kog'Maw, CLG can't beat TSM, TiP looks more inconsistent than Maknoon on Fusion, C9 has been playing with the collective IQ of a potato, who's left? Gravity? I honestly think that Liquid is as close to Fnatic as possible right now. Both teams have Korean imports, just in different positions. Both have one very solid solo laner (Febiven, Quas) and one other who can go off at any time (Huni, Fenix). Both have solid but underrated junglers. Both teams have potentially the best bot lane in their region. Big difference is that Liquid doesn't seem as "dominating" as Fnatic does. But give it time.

 Counter Logic Gaming (3-1) = Origen (5-1)
Origen, along with Fnatic and H2K, seem to be one of the three top teams in Europe. CLG, along with TSM and TL, seem to be one of the three top teams in North America. ZionSpartan is considered to be a solid top laner who will consistently perform. Soaz is considered to be a solid top laner who will consistently perform. Xmithie seems consistent on anything that doesn't begin with Sej and end with -uani. Amazing is much the same, except he can actually play Sejuani. Pobelter, like the rest of his teammates, is consistent and safe and all in all a good laner. xPeke, like the rest of his teammates, is consistent and safe and all in all a good laner. CLG's bot lane is considered one of the best in the region. Origen's bot lane is considered one of the best in the region. Big difference seems to be that CLG has potential to either do even better than they have now, or choke super hard. Origen, as far as I can tell, seems, well, consistent. For the record, I honestly do not believe that CLG, or any NA team, is really on the level of Fnatic, Origen or even H2K. They just seem to be, well, dominating their region, something that not many NA teams are doing right now.

Gravity (3-1) = Copenhagen Wolves (2-4) 
This physically hurt to write. Gravity, in my opinion, is really a much better team than Copenhagen Wolves. But they weren't on the level of H2K, they didn't have the chaotic playstyle of UoL, and putting them as Gambit or Roccat just felt insulting. And unlike Elements, they're actually winning. However, these teams do share a few similarities. They are both quite inconsistent - Gravity losing to NME Week 1, then defeating the undefeated Team Liquid in Week 2. CW going 2-0 Week 1 to then go 0-2 Week 2. They both have star ADCs and a midlaner who can carry pretty hard. That's where the similarities end. Hauntzer isn't a god, but he's certainly not at YoungBuck's level of trash. Move is unproven but seems to be doing well, which is more than could be said for Airwaks half the time. And BunnyFuFuu knows what he's doing in the bot lane, which is, again, more than what Unlimited can offer. These comparisons are really thin, aren't they?

Team SoloMid (3-2) = H2K (5-1) 
I'm willing to give TSM the benefit of the doubt here. I really don't think they're the same SoloMid that dominated the spring split. They felt tilted ever since MSI, where Huni locked in Cassio top and proceeded to embarrass NA's master race. Dyrus seems to be beyond his days, Santorin can't just keep ganking Bjergsen over and over again, and WildTurtle seems to play a little bit too much like Rekless' namesake. However, H2K isn't without their problems either. Loulex looked lost in the early game against SK in Week 3, and when Hjarnan/KaSing have an off day the entire team suffers (see game vs Origen). Honestly, this comparison feels like it's insulting H2K more like it's complimenting TSM, which speaks volumes to how weak NA is as a region right now.

Team Impulse (3-2) = UoL (3-3)
This is yet another comparison which feels insulting. However, both these teams are KNOWN for playing super balls to the walls no fucks given run at each other LPL style. Team Impulse are the premier NA early game team as they actually seem to be able to make aggressive early game moves off of Rush and Impact, something that I don't think any other NA team does. They play some things that seem to be a bit off meta, such as Yasuo top and Lee Sin jungle, but nothing to the level UoL does. Like TiP, UoL also plays incredibly aggressively but lack the pure mechanics that XWX and Impact bring to the table. They compensate for this by picking absolutely crazy stuff - Shaco and Gnar jungle, Poppy top lane, poke-god Varus mid, etc. Like TiP, they have two solo lane standouts, a popular play-making jungler and an average bot lane that can hold their own.

NME eSports (2-3) = ROCCAT (2-4)
NME are one of the two new teams in NA LCS, and so far, they aren't doing as badly as predicted. Similarly, Roccat was one of the three teams in relegations last split, but so far this split they aren't doing nearly as badly as I thought they would, even going as far as to take a game off of Origen. Both Flaresz and Steve are unproven, Flaresz because he was on a challenger team before this, Steve because he wasn't on any team before this. Both Innox and nukeduck are the "standouts" for their respective teams - Innox had been completely trashing his opponents in the Challenger scene, while nukeduck had been completely trashing his opponents back in Season 3. Jankos and Trashy both seem to be capable junglers that are a little bit out of their element - Jankos seems to be in a slump right now, to be honest. The "first blood king" hasn't been getting many first bloods as of late, unless you count feeding first bloods to the enemy in that statistic as well. Woolite has the positioning of a potato, the teamfight prowess of a potato, and frankly plays somewhat like a potato. His support VandeR plays like Madlife on a good day, but plays like a potato on bad days. Not similarly, Otter and Bodydrop play more like Apollo and Adrian from TiP - aggressive enough to not lose lane but safe enough to not get ganked. And when a safe lane plays vs a potato lane... well, I don't need to answer that.

Cloud 9 (1-4) = Gambit Gaming (2-4)
Looking at Cloud 9 on paper, you would think that they would once again be a top 2 team in North America. Looking at Cloud 9 in the actual LCS, you would think that they should be playing alongside other world's competitors like Dark Passage and Kabum eSports. They just do not look good at all this split. EU import Incarnati0n does not look comfortable at all on something that isn't an assassin, Meteos the 12.7 KDA king plays like Meteos the 1.27 KDA nerd. Balls hasn't been playing well on anything, really, that doesn't have the letters "R U M B L E" in it's name. Sneaky and Lemon's bot lane is the only thing doing well on a slumping C9 team, but now teams are just simply camping the bot lane to shut Sneaky down before they are capable of doing anything. Similarly, Gambit was projected to be a top team in EU this split, but that simply isn't the case. Cabochard is consistently inconsistent, while Diamondprox and Betsy look like NA imports with the level of trash they're playing at. Forg1ven should rename himself to Forg0tten because it seems like he's forgotten how to play League of Legends. GrillSu Pepper simply does not look like nor play like a top 5 support in EU anymore. But both teams have the POTENTIAL to be the very best in their region again, they just need to find it.

Team 8 (1-4) = Elements (1-5)
I didn't know trash was an element. No offense to T8 intended.

TDK (0-5) = SK Gaming (0-6) 
Every league needs to have legends and basement dwellers. Not every team can be Fnatic. TDK is not TSM. They do not play like TSM. They do not have the same mechanical skill as TSM. They do not have the early game plays of TSM, nor the late game rotations of TSM. They are not TSM. So we're not expecting great things out of this team. As long as they do slightly better than Coast last split, it's a success. SK is a whole different story. The number 1 team from last split already has twice as many losses this split, in only a third of the time. Freddy122 is more like Feedy122, Svenskeren seems like he's been tilting since PoE's Orianna Baron steal, Fox can't play League of Legends to the same level that his challenger peers could last split, and nRated should change his name to mRated because what enemy bot lanes have been doing to him is most likely illegal. Candypanda is the only one not sucking, but that's not much of a compliment.

tl;dr eu > na or na > eu? neither, eu = na